Book Launch and Pannel Discussion

It was June 30th, and I had a true pinch-me-moment. I walked into The Borough Market & Bar with butterflies in my stomach. I was filled with anxious energy.

A few days earlier, I had picked up my friend Amy from her house outside of DC, and together we drove to Greensboro, NC, to attend the book launch party for our friend Alisha Weilfaert. Alisha had just published her first book, Little Failures with the Creator Institute; she was the one to introduce me to the program and pushed me to write my book. While in the writing program, Alisha shared with me that she was being asked to create an imprint press and asked if I would want to publish with her under Yoke and Abundance Press. The answer was an obvious one!

“Yes, of course! I would be honored.”

This brings me back to The Borough. (Oh, how I wish I were referring to the Weasley home! Though I have to say, if you are ever in Greensboro, NC, The Borough Market & Bar is a must-visit!) Alisha had done a fantastic job getting the place all set up. The location was perfect! It felt warm and welcoming and oozed with the energy of “come be a part of my community.” Despite all these warm, welcoming vibes, I could not ignore the four yellow barstools lined up along the wall to the left.

My stomach flipped a bit. I stood a little taller, hoping this would make me feel strong and important, not little and a nobody, which is how I felt inside. Mentally I was asking myself what I was doing here. What was I going to say? Why would anyone want to hear from me? Am I going to know how to answer these questions? Am I going to make a fool of myself?

You see, this wasn’t just a book launch for Little Failures; this was also the launch of Yoke and Abundance Press. Alisha had asked me a month before this if I would be willing to sit on a panel discussion with her and a few other authors and talk about the journey and being a first-time author. I again said yes. This was ultimately the work that I wanted to do. The more practice I could get, the better. I knew I wouldn’t be alone; my fellow authors, Amy and Alisha, would be by my side.

I have never considered myself to be good at public speaking. I could only stand in front of a crowd if I was playing a role on stage. Other than that, a form of paralysis comes over me. I didn’t even like to raise my hand in class. When I was in college and had to give presentations, I would be the one throwing up beforehand or miraculously coming down with a sore throat that made it impossible for me to present.

But that was years ago, and I was on the path to becoming a published author. So many of my dreams include public speaking. This was something I would have to figure out and get through.

I was standing at the front counter getting ready to check people in when Alisha came over to Amy and me and said she wanted to do a one-on-one interview with each of us before everyone else arrived. The stomach flips got worse, and I volunteered Amy to go first when the time finally came. Shameful, I know, but that inner fear came creeping back up.

We haven’t even gotten to the panel discussion yet. The rest of the night, I was ringing my hands, trying to keep the smile plastered to my face so that no one would know the fear eating away at me inside. This self-doubt and judgment were lying beneath the surface the entire evening. Then Alisha spoke, and I heard in her words my own story. The way she talked about failures and the ups and downs and her journey. I felt seen and knew I was not the only one in the room who felt that way. We were all seen.

There was a transfer that occurred while she spoke. My focus was no longer on my inner fear and self-doubt, but the focus was on her and all that she had accomplished, all the people she brought together, and all the lives that she touched. My life was one of those; my story was one that she helped change the trajectory of.

She wrapped up and asked us to join her for the panel discussion after a short break.

So there I was, perched on a stool waiting, not knowing what would come next, feeling all eyes on me. I focused on my breathing.

This is the pinch-me-moment.

The first question came, and I didn’t freeze. I didn’t have an answer right away, but that was ok; I had time. Then came the following question and the next. Through it all, I found my words. It was effortless for me. For the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted to say and that someone needed to hear it. I was connecting with someone; I could feel it. I was speaking in public, and it felt good. It felt better than good. It felt right! It felt like this was everything that I was meant to do. I was in my element.

I struggled with public speaking. I thought I wouldn’t be able to talk about my book because of how emotional the topic is for me. I didn’t think I would know what to say.

I was wrong, I can talk about this. I can talk about grief and pain and struggle. I can talk about my book. My book is important; I have something to say, and someone out there needs to hear it.